During my final two and a half years of college, and during both years of grad school, I handled pressure and stress like a boss. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that I thrived on it. But I think living that way for almost three years just sucked the life out of me and now, I sometimes feel like I can barely handle any stress before I want to cry. I think about the days where I worked for eight hours, had class in Woodland Hills (about an hour away in mid-day traffic), spent six hours in class, drive home to Santa Paula (an hour or more depending on evening LA traffic), got home, changed into my pjs, worked on papers and sometimes projects for work, and then did it all again the next day.
It’s enough to make me feel like crying and hyperventilating as I write.
I have been feeling that way a lot lately. There isn’t anything excessively stressful going on in my life. It just feels like the way I am able to handle it all has changed so dramatically.
There’s work. That’s stressful for a lot of reason.
And the pregnancy center banquet next well. Amazing and totally blessed, but it’s getting to me.
Odds and ends
Keeping up with friends.
And so much more.
The reality is, I just want to quit sometimes.
Not quit life. That’s not an option. There’s nothing that will ever be so bad that it will make me want to quit. But…
I want to sit in my beg with a box of Thin Mints and finish Series 2 & 3 of Downton Abbey, catch up on the three books I’m reading, sleep a little, and do nothing. I know I had the time for all of that more recently. But it just seems like I can barely keep my head above the water right now.
I’ll go to bed in an hour. But first, I’m grabbing some popcorn and Diet Coke and Full House. Here’s to a more lively tomorrow.