A day full of rumblings

The world really, really loves to pat you on the back for being strong. For doing things in your own strength. They commend you and award you and praise you.

If that is what the world does, I do not want to be strong.

I will gladly give up every triumph and hard-fought battle in my life in order to be weak for Him. I will deny my strength to honor his truth. I will love those who have hurt me if that’s what it takes to praise Him.

I struggle with the whole idea of truth. I’m reading Thirteen Reasons Why right now and there’s a line about how every story has thirteen different sides. Truth seems like that more often than not. I perceive the truth in one way, you in another, that person another and so on. With the exception of God’s Truth, which will always be true, the thing is: truth falls somewhere in the middle of our separate accounts.

Here’s what I struggle with. I had a crappy, terrible childhood. Oh, there were highlights — absolutely. I laughed and I had joy and I do have good memories. But there is so much that tends to outweighs a lot of that good. I don’t think my perception of how I was raised is wrong, but I must ask myself if my perception of people’s intentions is wrong. As an adult I can recognize that even with the best of intentions, parenting is hard and loving your kids is hard if you aren’t ready for them.

In my Friday morning Bible study, we have talked a lot about sin and how we often bear the weight of other people’s sins against us. I have been sinned against and I am learning to forgive. I think that God has in store for me a life that will use these hurts for good, but I need to say that I am really going to focus on sharing my story and not the way others have hurt me unless it’s in a very vague, general way. I don’t want, in my passion, to hurt someone else.

And scene.

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