Intentionally vague

About 18 months ago, before the girl I work with was hired, I basically was a constant ball of stress at work. One day, I had a meeting with my boss (a different boss than I have now) and I told him, “I’m sorry, but I cannot sit through this webinar. I do not feel good. I’m going to the doctor.” I got in my car and drove myself to the ER because my heart was going nuts in my chest. My blood pressure was something scary-high, which only freaked me out. They did an EKG, which came back totally normal (thank you, God!) and triaged me in the back for several hours while they did a bunch of blood tests and x-rays. Diagnosis? Panic attack.

I was SO glad I made my mom sit with me for four hours in the ER for that. But hey. What a bonding experience.

My heart is basically doing that exact same thing right now. I can, thankfully, avoid the four-hour ER visit because I know why it’s racing like this.

I have to take a BIG, BOLD step of faith today that goes against everything I have ever been taught.

(Also, the coffee I got from Circle K this morning? They only had enough decaf for 1/3 a cup of coffee, so the other 2/3 are regular, full caf. Yeah. There’s that.)

I am pretty much freaking the heck out right now. As evidenced by the fact that my right eye is twitching like mad. And my stomach is twisted up and doing weird, vaguely uncomfortable things. But there are a lot of options ahead of me with this BIG, BOLD step of faith. I know that God has this and what I’m going to do feels right. It’s not a whim of fancy. It’s something that I’ve been thinking and praying about for a while.

Usually I try to post the vague “something is going to happen to someone” posts because I’m annoyed reading others’ posts like this. But until I’ve gotten everything worked out, I’ve got to be intentionally vague. I’ll share with you as I can, I promise.

Now I need to go throw up.

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